Aug 28, 2009


you sneaky bastard! hiding in griffith park AS IF WE WOULDN'T NOTICE. get back to your cold canadian border! come on, scoot scoot!

Aug 19, 2009

epic adventures

i don't know how else to explain this besides completely straightforwardly.

last night i went rollerskating. my friends (greg and his friend charlene and her friend tas) said it was "organ music night." i didn't know what they meant by that but apparently they meant exactly what they said. it was organ music night at the rollerskating rink.

the night was full of magic. first, you may think that geriatrics have no place on a rollerskating rink because of their fragile nature, but let me tell you, those fogies got MOVES! there was one guy in particular whose backwards skate... whew! watch out, [...famous backwards rollerskater???]!

anyway, it became very obvious very quickly that tuesday nights are love connection nights for this crowd. the rink is a place for elderly gentleman, like peacocks, to show the world what they've got. the two elderly women there have many tantalizing options to choose from.

ok second, ISWEARTOGOD i started a rink-wide clap-along to one of the organ songs. it was like starting the wave at a dodgers game, only about 1,000 times smaller. but whatever, same sensation! one of the best skaters there appreciated it so much, i even got an "aOOOga!" as he rolled past me. i felt like a mighty duck or member of cool runnings or something.

THIRD, after about an hour of on-again/off-again skating, i developed a blister on the inside of my right foot, and had to sit down and take the skates off. i was approached by a tall, skinny dude in his late 40s with a wrap around his knee (skating injury). he asked me why i wasn't skating anymore, and explained i had a blister. "Well I'm Sparky," he said, "and I can tell you how to lace your skates so you won't get any more blisters." which he did, and it was very educational. he told me to come back next tuesday at 7pm sharp and he'd help me lace them himself! that was quite an offer, i'd say.

(not like this)

well as the evening was wrapping up and love connections had been made and the organ player got to the end of the 12 songs that can be played on an organ, greg sat down to put his shoes on too. another rink employee -- the guy that kept blowing a whistle at all us newbies and telling us to "keep moving" even if that meant downward onto our asses -- swung by and said "Hey, I just wanted to say your backwards skate really improved! You stuck it out there when everyone else gave up. You keep it up and you're going to do really well." the look on greg's face is probably pretty similar to the one he'll have when his first child is born or something. go greg!

and go me.


why do people from the past get to come up with all the good sayings? it's not fair. and i'm gonna do something about it. here are some new sayings for people to start saying, and they are from the freakin' present, man:

"You must CTRL+C before you can CTRL+V."

this is a saying about doing things in the right order.

"Sometimes, even if you have firepower, you have to get small again before you can get big."

this is a saying about mario bros and being ok with going backwards (figuratively, you can't go backwards in original mario bros) in life sometimes because that just means you'll have to find another mushroom and keep going. er whatever.

finally, "Not everybody has Facebook."

this is a saying about those who are less fortunate or who still like myspace for some reason.

i hope you can all start using these so we can show the past a thing or two about sayings. thank you.

Aug 12, 2009

you're so ugly

when you were a kid, your mother had to tie a porkchop around your neck. it was like her little way of saying, "you're ugly. don't forget."

Aug 10, 2009


when i was little, whenever my sister and i would make mac n' cheese or spaghetti for dinner, we'd throw a different shaped noodle in there, and then whoever in the family got that noodle would be the winner.

today for lunch i made myself a box of shells & cheese from fresh & easy. i have been missing my sister a lot lately 'cause she's been in nicaragua all summer and i haven't talked to her in a couple weeks.

well i get to the bottom of my bowl and look at what i find:

an elbow noodle! i win. ♥

p.s. stuff like this happens to me just often enough that i have to think something really special is going on here.

Aug 5, 2009

interview with myself

Q: How long does a potato?
A: Approximately 7 minutes, or 3.5 inches.

Q: How would you describe, in five words or less?
A: Easy: mostly symmetrical yet surprisingly approachable.

Q: If you could, what would you?
A: Ooh, that's a tough one. I guess I would start with balloon animals and from there go on to the obvious choice, which is mayonnaise (of course).

Q: Aside from the carpeting issue, how are you handling?
A: Pretty well, actually. You know, a lot of people are going to want to focus on that one specific piece of my life, but the truth is in the grand scheme of things, it's just one little blip on the radar, you know what I mean? So I'm just trying to take it for what it's worth and keep a healthy perspective on things.

Q: Without getting into too much detail, has there been any?
A: I'd rather not discuss that.

Q: OK. What's your best?
A: On "Expert," I think 119 seconds.