Sep 8, 2017

Amber's Guide to the 7 Deadly Sins



Take a listen. I done broke it down for ya real quick to keep ya outta hell:

  • Lust = Oglin
  • Greed = Moneygrubbin
  • Gluttony = Piggin out
  • Pride = Gettin all hoity toity
  • Wrath = Hootin an hollerin too much
  • Envy = Lookin over at somebody else n bein like "gimme that"
  • Sloth = Ain't doin shit

'Welcome.


Jan 13, 2017

is this the illuminati?

i'm not sure what the illuminati IS but i DID just notice all these famous directors' names RHYME WITH FOOD:
  • Fresh Mandarin: Wes Anderson
  • Shrimp Gerkin: Tim Burton
  • Tortilla Coke (Cola): Sophia Coppola
  • Dead Apples Though: Judd Apatow
  • Lemon-Lime Lollipop: M. Night Shyamalan

if that's NOT the illuminati feel free to try to explain to me what it is.

Jan 6, 2017

Fun Mom

here's an example of the kind of fun thing i would do as a parent:

kid is 16 years old, it's christmas, there's no present under the tree. kid goes, "where's my present?" i go, "your present is too big to fit under the tree! why don't you go out to the garage and take it for a spin?" [knowing smile]

kid runs to the garage, opens the door, and this is what's in there...

...

..

.


and we laugh and laugh.

Jan 3, 2017

the strangest thing to happen to me in 2017

are you ready for a true-life mystery that will send a shiver up your spine, in one fluid motion not unlike the zipper on a coat? well have i got a story for you. it's about the zipper on my coat.

yesterday i was taking down my christmas tree, and i got my old coat out of the closet so i wouldn't get sap on my nice one. i haven't worn this coat in over a year. i went to go zip it up and discovered the zipper was UPSIDE DOWN. it UNZIPPED my coat, and only when i zipped it downward did the zipper stick together, kind of. i made this video to explain:



how could this happen? did the zipper get turned around in the wash? did someone replace my zipper in effort to pull off the world's stupidest prank? am i wearing the coat upside down? i don't remember the last time i was this confused. birth, maybe.

finally i sat down to text the video to my friend, to see if i could get any help solving this mystery and to confirm the world was still spinning and that i was still alive in it. that's when i looked over and noticed the top zipper, stuck at the collar, and remembered this coat has two zippers -- one that zips, one that unzips from the bottom -- and always has.


anyway, happy new year!