Oct 30, 2020

i am but a vessel

last night, i was within 12 blocks of a taco bell and my stomach was already a mess, which can't be considered anything other than "a sign."

so i pulled into the drive-thru, got my meal, and parked in the relatively empty parking lot. i was a few bites in when a car weirdly pulled up behind mine, angled slightly to the left but with its headlights pointed toward my side mirror. the car stopped and... just sat there.

at first i thought they must be counting their fire sauce packets or checking to make sure the chips weren't fried in the same fryer as the cinnamon twists, giving them that unsettling yet intriguing sweet crunch. but they sat there long enough to do both and then some. again, this was a mostly empty lot -- i was parked in a spot, but the car was just behind me, waiting, running, with the headlights on.

it was then i realized i may die here, and while i wasn't ready to go, i had to admit, that would've been pretty classic amber. me, halfway through a beefy 5-layer supreme, mariah carey's greatest hits on high vol, googling "carrot parrot" to see if anyone had made a carrot look like a parrot yet (they have). i wouldn't have died doing what i love, but you could say i died doing exactly what i wanted. and that's a form of love.

eventually the car drove off and i lived to tell you about it (even after finishing the beefy 5-layer supreme). but in that moment, i learned something that i'll carry with me for the rest of my life:


Always Be Ready.

/Add Beans + Rice.

we don't get to decide when we go, but we do get to live in a way that won't leave us filled with regret/will leave us filled with beans and rice. and i'm starting to think i was put within 12 blocks of a taco bell with pre-diarrhea last night for a reason -- to share this story, and this revelation, with you.



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